#01

It’s been a week since I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me. We had been together for almost four and a half years and had known each other for twelve. I had noticed over the past few weeks that she had become very secretive regarding her mobile phone. She would tilt the screen away when sat beside me, use it mostly out of view and wouldn’t let me look at it to check the time when she never used to mind.

Obviously, something was up.

In the early hours of New Year’s Day, she had fallen asleep before me, so I had a look at her phone. The moment I turned the screen on, there were messages from somebody I didn’t know. I opened them up and found conversations dating back a couple of months that contained confessions of love, flirting and explicit images and videos. From the messages, I could work out the mystery person was one of her pen-pals and she planned to go and stay with them.

I read all of the messages, but one that hurt the most was fairly innocent compared to the rest. We had been celebrating the approaching New Year and were awaiting the fireworks on television and I remember her turning to me saying “ten minutes to go!” My heart sank when I saw she had said the same exact thing to her new beau. I felt so deceived.

When I woke her up and confronted her about it, all she could say was that I shouldn’t have looked at her phone. I was visibly upset, but she didn’t seem phased and wasn’t apologetic. I went into the bedroom and she slept on the couch. The next day she went to stay with her brother.

It’s difficult to describe how I felt. The first day all I could think about was how it was over. My mind would just replay the same thought constantly. After that came the sorrow and the depression. I then repeatedly questioned what the past four years were for. It’s been a tough week and I’ve probably cried more over the past seven days than I have the last few years.

I ended up quitting my job, because we both worked there and I knew she wouldn’t return. I was too dejected and didn’t feel like talking to anybody. We also rent the same apartment, which will inevitably disappear from my life soon, too. To go from a relatively peaceful life, with a long-term girlfriend, a job that pays the bills and a nice apartment to pretty much nothing is more devastating than I can describe.

I feel so lost and alone and can’t imagine a future anymore. For the last four years, a day hadn’t gone by without my girlfriend. We had our ups and downs like any couple, but generally got on well and had a lot in common. We lived together and worked together — we shared our lives with each other. It hurts so much to think about what she did and to recall those messages.

I don’t know what will happen now.